


Help, I Love You

by itstaehyunq



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Coming Out, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, fluff kinda, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-02 19:39:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itstaehyunq/pseuds/itstaehyunq
Summary: Brian Kang is pining, and isn't very good at hiding it.Park Jaehyung is pining too, but he's an idiot.





	1. One - Brian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is temporary for now, until i find something better sounding. :P
> 
> this is my first fic, so please give feedback!
> 
> rated t for language

Brian had a problem, and his name was Park Jaehyung.

For the last month, all he could think about was Jae, Jae, Jae, JaeJaeJae and his stupid face, and his stupid hair, and his stupid hands, and his stupid everything, and UGH Brian was sick of it. Two weeks later, he realized it was worse than he thought it was gonna be. It was a fucking crush.

That was bad. Really, _really_ bad. Especially in the industry they were in. They could lose their careers, their music, their lives’ work, _each other_. Brian did not want that, even if he was just best-friend-zoned forever.

He tried anything and everything to get his _stupid_ best friend out of his head, and. it. never. worked. He tried the dissociating, the hanging out with other people, the songwriting, and anything else he could think of.

By far, the worst was the songwriting. All that came out when Brian put pen to paper was songs about crushes. If someone looked too far in between the lines, they’d see Jae written all over it. Literally and figuratively. But very small and also in invisible ink only to be seen with a black light.

It took three miserable weeks of a depressing, steadily increasing output of lyrics in his journal about _why do you never notice me standing in front of you_ for it to start showing in Brian’s everyday life.

Then his bandmates noticed. And they looked through his song journal.

Of course, as responsible leader, the members sent Sungjin. Along with him was Dowoon. It was gonna go bad, Brian could already tell. So what did he do? The only thing he could do: his best.

It all started when their manager, Wonpil, and Jae were out of the dorm doing god knows what. Their absence was all planned out, and Brian could tell as soon as Dowoon and Sungjin cornered him in the living room.

“Younghyun,” Sungjin said, using his Korean name in place of his stage name or English name, probably to sound serious. “You have a problem.”

They knew. Brian knew they knew, and he knew they knew he didn’t want them to know.

Brian glanced at Dowoon and swallowed hard, sitting down on the couch like he could hide inside it.

“Oh?” he managed to ask, with a slight crack in his voice. Dowoon was smiling like he always did—that goofy ass grin that the fans loved so much, but Brian felt like it was a threat.

“You have a crush,” Dowoon stated like it was a fact. Which it was, of course.

“Oh,” Brian repeated, sinking deeper into the couch. “Wh—how did you—where’d you hear that?”

Sungjin nodded and picked up Brian’s notebook from where it lay on the armrest. Brian realized too late it was the one he wrote lyrics in.

“Didn’t hear it. It’s pretty obvious,” Sungjin said as he opened it out of Brian’s reach. “Either you’ve watched too many sad dramas, which you never do since you think they’re cheesy; or you’re pining over someone. I’d love to think it’s the first answer, but we both know that’s not true.”

Brian sat up quickly and grabbed for the notebook, but Dowoon took it from Sungjin before he could reach it.

“‘We’re magnets, but we’re both turned North’,” Dowoon read aloud. “‘And I know we repel, but I want you anyway.’ That’s so sad, hyung! Why are you writing like this all of a sudden?”

“Give me that!” Brian snatched the notebook and held it away from Dowoon. “I write what I want, and it has nothing to do with you guys, or my so-called crush on Jae—“

Brian interrupted himself by dropping the notebook and slapping his hands over his own mouth.

Both Dowoon and Sungjin’s jaws dropped.

“You...have a crush on Jae? _Our_ Jae?” Sungjin asked, bewilderment plastered over his face.

“No,” Brian said from behind his hands. He kicked his notebook to the side in a panic. “Didn’t I just say I didn’t? I don’t have a crush on—who’s Jae?”

Dowoon‘s maniacal grin only grew. “You’re pining over Jae-hyung! I knew it!”

“I am _not_ pining over _anyone_. I don’t have a crush.”

Sungjin placed a hand on Brian’s shoulder supportively. “You know you can’t tell anyone about this, right?”

“What?” Brian yelled. The neighbors could probably hear him at this point, but he didn’t care. “No! Don’t tell anyone about my nonexistent love life!”

“Nonexistant for now,” added Dowoon.

And then the door opened. It was Wonpil, his hands full of groceries.

“Did he tell you yet? Is it a crush? If it is, both Dowoonie and I win the bet,” he said all at once, heading to set the bags in the kitchen.

“It’s nothing,” Brian blurted, before Dowoon interrupted.

“He has a crush,” Dowoon said excitedly. “On Jae-hyung. Really, that should have happened a long time ago—“

Sungjin nudged Dowoon hard with his elbow.

“If he doesn’t want anyone to know, don’t tell them,” Sungjin stage-whispered. Brian hated them both.

“Really?” Wonpil asked, sounding questionably hopeful. “Jae-hyung is right behind me. I’m sure he’d be glad to know.”

Scratch that. Brian hated all of them.

“Why would he be glad?” Dowoon stepped into the kitchen and helped Wonpil unpack the groceries. The door opened.

“Why’s what?”

It was Jae. But for some unforeseen reason, everyone went quiet. Dowoon nudged Wonpil, Wonpil nudged back, and Sungjin glared again, but no one said anything.

“What are you guys talking about? Does it have to do with me? Did Bri ever tell you about what he was writing about so you’ll leave me alone about asking him?” Jae headed to the kitchen as well, his hands also full of groceries.

Wonpil snickered, but nothing.

Sungjin sighed loudly and dragged both Dowoon and Wonpil to the couch as Jae set the groceries on the table. “Talk it out. If he wants to tell you, he can tell you. No, Dowoon.” Dowoon had been poking Sungjin’s shoulder, but Sungjin slapped his hand away.

Jae looked between all of them confusedly. “You guys are the weirdest people I know. Even weirder than Jimin.”

“Screw all of you,” Brian said, pointing at all of those on the couch. “Jae, they’re just messing with us. I was trying to come up with a new concept. Didn’t work.” He walked (stomped) over and picked his notebook off the floor, glaring as he went to his, Dowoon’s, and Jae’s shared room.

The door closed behind him but he could still hear the burst of noise. Mostly from Sungjin scolding the younger two, but they were complaining in return. He heard nothing from Jae as he collapsed onto his own bed.

A few minutes passed and the yelling calmed down, and the sound of a video game from the TV started up. When it did, the door to Brian’s room opened.

“What do you want?” Brian didn’t bother to look up.

“It’s my room too, in case you forgot.” In English. Jae again. Fuck. “I’m sorry for, you know. Them. Pillie and Dowoon just don’t really know when to stop sometimes.”

English, between the two of them, usually meant they didn’t want the others to know what they were talking about. It meant the others knew to leave them alone. Fuuck.

“Neither do you,” he commented.

“You know me so well.” And then a dip in his bed as Jae sat next to him. Fuuuuck.

Jae set a hand on top of his lyrics journal. “Can I look at this?”

Brian looked away like he hadn’t already been. “Fuckin’ go for it. Not like you haven’t seen.” He only cursed when he was upset. Dammit.

“I didn’t look, Bri. I tried to convince them not to. I know how personal your lyrics are to you.”

Oh god, Brian was whipped for this boy. However, he hesitated. “Go ahead. I trust you. There’s some that are more personal, though. I thought they would try to look through it, so I wrote those in English. You can read them.” He shrugged it off. “I don’t care anymore.”

“You should,” Jae said quietly, opening up the book. He went quiet for a moment as he flipped towards the songs in English. The sound of the pages stopped once he reached them, the room going quiet for a good thirty seconds.

“Bri.”

Deep breath, Brian. Remember to breathe. “They’re horrible. I know. You don’t have to tell me.”

“I was gonna tell you these are amazing. You’re amazing. You’ve got such a talent for writing, man.”

“Don’t even lie to me. They’re shit.” A second curse. Brian was getting sloppy with his emotions. He’d realized it three weeks ago.

Then Jae’s hand was on his. And the journal was on the bed, and his other hand was on Brian’s thigh. Brian was suffering (melting) when he met Jae’s eyes. “Listen to me. You write so well. There’s a reason we use your lyrics in most of our songs. I love your writing.”

Brian bit his tongue. “That just means—means you have bad taste in lyrics. They have too much feelings.”

Jae rolled his eyes and pulled away from him, picking up the journal. The loss of contact made Brian uncomfortable. “I love how personal it is. Like I could sing it to someone and they’d know I meant it.”

He met Brian’s stare again. “Is that what they meant when they were yelling about you having a crush because of your lyrics? I can see what they mean.”

Despite his usual happy tone, Jae’s eyes looked hurt. Brian couldn’t give a thought as to why. Why would Jae of all people be hurt because of Brian’s lyrics? It wasn’t like Jae was jealous. Maybe he wanted his own lyrics to be used in more songs?

“I just write what sounds good,” Brian lied. He shrugged and looked away. His tell.

“That’s a shitty ass lie.” Jae hit Brian’s shoulder. “You’re my best friend, Bri. I know that’s not the truth.”

“I am not lying,” he lied again.

“Liar.”

“Shut up. I’m telling the truth.”

“You’re not telling the truth, you fuck. You like someone.”

“No I don’t!” Brian huffed as Jae hit him again. “I don’t like anyone.”

“Give it up. Like I said, I’m your best friend. I know when you’re lying. You’re fucking lying to me.” Jae hit him once more and crossed his arms. Brian flinched.

“Fine! So fucking what I like someone. They don’t know I do.” Technically it wasn’t a lie. Jae didn’t catch it this time, just clapping his hands together.

“Thank god! I thought that would take all day. Who is it?”

“I am very much not going to tell you. Douche.” Brian’s defense lowered. Jae batted his eyelashes.

“Pretty please, Bri-Bri? We’re bestest friends. Friends don’t lie. Otherwise I’m gonna go play video games.” He made a move to stand up, but Brian caught his wrist.

“Stay.”

Jae looked back, confused, and sat back down. “Alright, alright. Then tell me who.”

Brian didn’t say anything, nor did he let go of Jae’s wrist.

“Brian,” Jae said, growing concerned. “Are you okay?”

He nodded silently. Jae’s wrist grew warm under his hand. it was a nice feeling, however short it lasted for. He had to let go eventually.

“You won’t tell me because it’s a guy, right?”

To that, Brian looked up. “How the hell did you know that?”

“You used male pronouns in the song I read.” It was Jae’s turn to look away. “I didn’t mention anything other than it sounding personal. We’d have to change it before we used it for a song.”

“Jae...I’m sorry. I should have…” Brian hid his face and rubbed at his eyes. “I should have told you.”

“I don’t mind that you like someone, Bri. Even if it’s a guy. I’m not like that.”

“I’m gay,” Brian blurted.

“Oh.” Jae smiled for some reason, but hid it quickly. He nodded solemnly and patted Brian’s back. “Thanks for telling me. It means a lot for you to come out to me. Especially like this.”

“That...that’s it? No extreme reaction?”

“Oh, hell no. Of course not. I’m bi, Brian.” He shrugged. The smile was back. “I like guys sometimes too.”

“Fuck.” Brian buried his face deeper into his hands. _Fuck_ fuckfuckfuck. Brian liked Jae, but Jae didn’t know, but Jae was into guys too. It hurt a little, but it was still a little unreasonable. Jae wasn’t required to like him back. But still.

“Shit. Are you okay?” Jae took his hand off Brian’s back and leaned away. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to drop that on you. Thought we were just having a coming out moment or something—“

“I like you.”

“Fuck,” Jae said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two coming soon! leave a comment, send kudos, et cetera. i crave affection and approval <3
> 
> remember to follow me on tumblr and twitter! @itstaehyunq


	2. Two - Jae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jae is an idiot and can’t handle a damn crush to save his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, wow? the first chapter got so much good feedback and i was so proud! i was planning on posting this earlier, but i just couldn’t get the words out since i started from scratch, hah <3 hope you all enjoy!

**FOUR MONTHS AGO**

 

Jae was not falling in love. His own personal life ended as soon as he signed the contract with his debut company. Day6’s manager had made that very, _very_ clear. No more dating, no more free time, nothing but work work work for the good of the band. Right?

Wrong. The good of the band was turning out to be for the bad of the Jae.

Jae wasn’t falling in love, and it wasn’t with a guy. He was in the public eye now; if he showed any interest whatsoever in _anyone_ (gender didn’t matter anymore, since male idols were fetishized as gay even if they weren’t) people would notice, and take it in a weird way.

Jae wasn’t falling in love, and it _definitely_ wasn’t with Brian Kang. His best-friend-slash-band-mate was not an option for him. Jaehyungparkian was not real, and it was not _going_ to be real. Fan service was fake service. Jae was _not fucking falling in love with Brian._

Or, at least, that’s what Jae kept telling himself.

It turned into his mantra, something he repeated in his head at night when the room was dark and Brian was  _so_ close and Jae was _sososo_ tempted just to reach out to him.

Truth be told, he was failing. No matter how much he said it, the harsh reality of his feelings slapped him in the face every time Brian did something so much as smiling that dumb smile, or laughing, or even brushing against Jae’s shoulder as he passed to grab his bass.

Jae knew for a fact that he’d failed the second he saw the look on Brian’s face when he was reading the comments on their newest song, which Brian had written all by himself. Jae’s heart was practically fluttering, and his stomach was, like, floating on air, and he couldn’t look away. Until Brian looked back and smiled at him, and he was so happy.

And then. And then and then and _then_ the next fucking _week_ Brian was back at it, writing songs and melodies for another damn song about someone else that Jae would have to try to sing. Jae never looked in Brian’s journal without explicit permission, but he knew what Brian was doing when he saw it. Because Brian was doing that thing he always did when he was focused, squinting his eyes and biting his lip and leaning close to the desk like the paper already had the words written out, just really small. But Brian could always find the right words, because as soon as he finished a song he leaned back with that smug-ass grin and read it over, crossing out words and picking up his guitar to write melodies. Jae, of course, was staring again.

But Jae slipped up after another few days, and someone noticed. It wasn’t Brian, or even the manager, but it was Wonpil, faithful friend and loyal keyboardist. Wonpil, at least to Jae, was the most attentive of all the members; he’d notice something was off with Jae if he so much as blinked at the wrong time.

It all started when all five of the members were together in the living room, playing some multi-player game on the TV. Well, all except Wonpil.

They had a system of rotations whenever they all played as a group—two rounds, then they all moved down a seat, and the person on the floor, who wasn’t playing, would move down to the other end to play. It was complicated, but it worked for them. Four controllers, four evenly divided spaces for four player screens on the TV, four places where four people could sit comfortable; and thus, the fifth was left on the floor, and it was Wonpil. 

The first time it happened, Brian’s character took a near critical hit. Appeared the lip biting, and Jae was gone. He looked over for a split second and dropped his controller. As he scrambled to pick it up, blushing profusely, his own character had jumped off a cliff to his doom. But that was just where it started. 

Through the hours the five were playing, Brian bit his lip a total of nine times: twice with his eyes closed, once with his eyes closed and his head leaning back against the wall, and once in which he did a combination that ultimately ended Jae's will to live. Jae's character had killed Brian's in a hilariously embarrassing way, but not to either of them.

Brian had leaned his head back with his eyes shut tight as the other three laughed, but let out a groan of humiliation that, to Jae, sounded like something like the noises that once came out of his dad's laptop when he was a kid, like something his grade-school friends would show him off of their phones, like what came out of  _his_ phone when he was lonely and it was late at night and Dowoon and Brian were asleep so they couldn't hear it and Jae would imagine it was Brian instead of the camboy on the screen and  _fuck_ he was popping a boner right there on the couch. 

Because he wanted it to be Brian. Because he _wanted Brian_. Because he wanted to _make_ Brian make sounds like _that_. 

Well, technically he had, since he was the one who killed Brian's character, but in a different way. You get it. 

Jae wanted to hear Brian sound like that for real. But he couldn't.

And then he was half-hard. 

And then Wonpil noticed. Well, he didn't notice Jae's pre _dick_ ament (hah), but he noticed Jae's uncomfortability, and how he squirmed on his seat like there were ants up his ass. 

So Wonpil waited until the next two rounds were over, taking Brian's seat at the end of the couch, thus bumping Jae onto the floor on the other end, before declaring, "I'm hungry. Food break?"

"It's almost midnight," said Brian, checking his watch. "You'll mess up your appetite."

"Then at least let's take a rest. We’ve played for hours,” Wonpil countered, looking to Jae, who nodded with quiet thanks. 

"I have to pee," announced Dowoon, standing up. 

"Not if I beat you to it," Jae yelled. He was  _not_ gonna deal with the other members before he could take care of his little situation, so he raced past Dowoon into the bathroom.

It took a total of three minutes to make himself come, just by thoughts of Brian and camboys and those pretty, pretty noises coming out of Brian's mouth and  _god_ , he was suffering, but it was bliss. He bit his fist the whole time to keep from making any sound of his own.

By the time he cleaned up and returned to the living room, Dowoon was already on his feet to hurry into the bathroom, and all Jae saw was a blur of black hair as he passed. Sungjin and Brian were on their phones on the couch, with Sungjin looking seconds from falling asleep. Wonpil was waiting next to the TV. 

"Jae, let's talk," Wonpil said as he pulled Jae by the arm into his and Sungjin's room. He shut the door behind them.

Jae wrenched his arm away painfully. "What—ow, let go of me—what was that about?"

Wonpil, crossing his arms, looked at him sternly. It reminded Jae of his mom. "You _know_ what that was about." Okay, that was a little spooky. Wonpil sounded _exactly_ like his mom. He shuddered. 

"No, I really don't," Jae lied. But Wonpil was staring him down like he wasn't four inches shorter, so he broke. "Shit. Yes I do. I'm...yeah."

And Wonpil just nodded, like he always did, pretending like he knew what Jae was thinking. Which he didn't. "So what  _was_ that about?"

Jae lied again, because he wasn't going to give up that easily. "Had to pee," he said. In reality, Jae was thinking about Brian and porn. Wonpil probably thought Jae was thinking about sunshine and rainbows or some shit. 

"No. You were not." Scratch that, Wonpil knew. Fuck. "Did it have to do with you killing Young K-hyung?"

"No," Jae lied. Again. He really needed to get out of that habit. "Just had to pee."

 “Don’t lie,” Wonpil said. And he knew Jae was lying. Double fuck.

“I wouldn’t tell you if I was.” Finally, a truth escapes Jae’s lips. And the truth was about his lying. But hey, cut him some slack  

“I can accept that. Just tell me what that was about. You looked really weird.” 

“Not doing that either.”

”Hyung, if you have a problem, please tell me. I want to help.” Wonpil set a hand on Jae’s shoulder, comforting.

“Fine. One of the other members gave me a boner.”

“I can’t understand you when you speak English. If you don’t know how to say it in Korean, I can call Young K-hyung—“ 

“ _Don’t you dare_.”

“Then tell me what you mean."

"No! Absolutely not. No way. No."

Wonpil huffed and uncrossed his arms, and his mom-like demeanor dropped. "Jae. Does it have to do with one of the members?"

“So what if it did? I wouldn’t tell you.” Jae sighed, but Wonpil saw through him. 

“So it did. And I’d bet money it was Young K-hyung’s fault.”

“It was _not_.” 

“His game character, then? Are you, like, into that kind of thing?” 

“I am _not_ into video game characters. Shut up.” 

“Then it was one of the members. Young K-hyung is my best bet.”

Jae might have rolled his eyes, but he was screwed. Fuckfuckfuckfuck Jae you shouldn’t have said anything in the first place why can’t you have a damn _functional_ sex drive and gotten hard when you weren’t surrounded by your band members. 

“It. Was. Not. Young. K’s. Fault.”

Liar. Jae was a liar. It was a surprise to himself that he’d gotten better since debut. Must have been all the interviews, hiding personal stuff on cameras, not revealing secrets from their next comeback. Or something. 

And Wonpil knew. Because of course he did. Wonpil saw right through Jae like he was made of fucking glass. He was owning up to his title of most attentive. 

“Yes it was, hyung.”

That was the last damn straw. The last one. Gone. Wonpil crossed the non-existant line into _fine Pillie I give up_ territory. 

“Fine, Pillie. I give up. It was his fault. Now leave me alone.”

”What? No. I still don’t know what caused you to act like that. You got pale. Unless...oh my gosh. _Hyung_.”

Wonpil had done it. He’d gone and fucking figured it out. Jae never believed he himself could hold his composure for long and keep Wonpil from figuring it out. Well, maybe he had thought so. But he stopped thinking like that as soon as Wonpil pulled him into the room. 

Jae just scoffed like Wonpil didn’t know. “What? Forget to turn the stove off?” Sarcasm was his bluff. He was fucking bluffing. Wonpil, of course, had known him for too long, so he knew.

”You...you got _hard_? You had a boner. I knew it.” Wonpil was leaning close, like the other members outside couldn’t hear if they tried. 

“No, I did _not—“_

“Young K-hyung gave you a  _boner_?“

“No. No, he didn’t. Shut up—”

”Dibs on being best man.”

”What.”

”Yeah!” Wonpil smiled at Jae like Jae wasn’t literally trying to burn Wonpil from the inside out with his eyes. “I’m gonna be your wingman! I’ll try my hardest.”

”Shit. Pillie, no—“

”Yes? Yeah! Why not? I’m gonna get you and hyung together.”

”Absolutely not. That’s...that’s wrong on so many levels. Do not.”

”I’m gonna. You can’t stop me.”

 

 

**THREE MONTHS AGO**

 

Wonpil, to say the least, tried his best. Any chance he had, he’d somehow distract the other members, leaving Jae and Brian alone together, usually in the practice studio, usually with the door closed. Brian, of course, didn’t mind at first. He’d give Wonpil a few weird looks, but went on practicing like he always did.

Jae, on the other hand, minded _very much_. The next day, he’d ignore both Wonpil and Brian for the whole practice. 

So Wonpil set them up on a date. He’d apparently told both Jae and Brian to meet him at a little café in town, without telling either, but Wonpil never showed.

So it was just Jae and Brian. 

Brian and Jae. 

Two bros, chilling in some little café where all the drinks were named thinggs like _Lovely Latte_  and _Love Potion Green Tea_ and _Flower Bloom Spring Frappucino._ There were cakes and things, too. Shaped like flowers. And stars. And hearts. And you could get them for one, or for two, which came with two cleverly heart-shaped sporks. The walls were all pastel pink and little paper hearts hung from the ceiling.

Jae should have known. The name of the café was fucking _Love Bug Café_ , for god’s sake. 

Both Jae and Brian tried calling Wonpil, to no avail. They both got sent straight to voicemail. 

Jae. Was. Pissed. For, like, no reason. But there was sort of a reason. 

If Wonpil set him up with Brian and they got found out, they could lose their fucking careers. They might be shunned. It was South Korea, after all, and even though Jae’s (accepting, modern, not homophobic) family were back in Cali, he didn’t want to leave the band. Or S.K., for that matter. He liked it here. 

Brian said he didn't really mind, but he seemed a little upset as Jae went off at Wonpil's voicemail. Obviously, Jae couldn't say anything about his feelings for Brian, but he did mention his ' _utter disappointment_ ' for ditching them both. 

After he'd ranted, Jae just hung up with a sigh and made an excuse for leaving. Brian looked disappointed, so Jae gave in and ordered the least lovey-dovey sounding thing on the menu, black coffee. He hated black coffee. It was a metaphor. 

 

 

**TWO AND A HALF MONTHS AGO**

 

He couldn’t do it anymore. Jae physically couldn’t do it. It had gone on long enough (a month and a half) and he was tired.

Hiding a crush was fucking _exhausting_. He had to get over it. He had to distract himself. He _couldn’t fucking do it anymore_. 

Jae started slow. Well, sort of. He started with porn. But with girls. Not camboys who looked like Brian as they whined and moaned and arched their backs and—shit, no. That wasn’t gonna work. 

Then he went out with friends, like, a record amount of times in one week. He practically ignored Brian. But it was horrible, so he didn’t keep doing it. 

He tried to forget. He tried his damnest. It wouldn’t fucking go away. 

He talked to Wonpil about it. Wonpil was fine; he couldn’t have gotten Brian and Jae together if he tried. And _christ_ did he try.

And then Jae forgot. Two months later. He just acted how he had before he realized, for two months. And then he forgot what it felt like to be in love with Brian Kang.

 

 

**PRESENT**

 

“I like you.”

”Fuck,” Jae said.

And it came back. Crashing.

All of it. The boners, the porn, the date, the coffee, more porn, the ignoring. 

And Jae realized how much he’d hurt because of it. God, did it hurt. Every time he'd think of Brian, he got a pang in his chest he couldn’t place, but it was _heartbreak_. His heart had broken in four months flat.

Because he was still in love. 

Because he was in love with a guy. 

Because that guy was Brian _fucking_ Kang and Jae was in love with him. 

Jae was in love. With Brian Kang. His best-friend-slash-band-mate.

And Brian Kang liked him back. 

Brian Kang. Liked. Him. Back. 

Oh fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was a little inappropriate at first, but i thought y'all would enjoy. maybe? if you did, please leave kudos and comment! <3
> 
> there's most likely going to be three parts to this little fic, so keep an eye out. next part will probably be up in a week or so. 
> 
> follow me on tumblr and twitter for updates @itstaehyunq


	3. Three - Both

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jae gets jealous, Brian has a crisis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of flashbacks, et cetera. honestly, it's a little confusing, but bear with me.
> 
> thanks to everyone for the continued support! 
> 
> also, i’m looking for a beta reader to proofread future stuff! hmu on tumblr or twitter if you’re interested :: @itstaehyunq

**ONE WEEK AGO, JAE**

 

The members had been going on about Brian acting strange around them since it started, like when Brian nearly dropped his bass after finishing a concert; when he started to not let them read his lyrics unless specifically permitted (which they had anyway); when Jae brushed his shoulder and Brian almost fell off stage, and would have fallen if Jae hadn’t grabbed him in time.

When the others looked through Brian’s lyrics, they seemingly thought it made sense. 

“Young K-hyung has a crush,” Dowoon said one day, while Brian and Sungjin were out with friends or something. “Look at this, Jae-hyung.” He was holding out Brian’s journal for Jae to read, even though he couldn’t read the hangul. He knew Brian wrote English lyrics too, but he never read them. Not without permission.

There was a pang in Jae’s chest. That word. A _crush_. Brian had a crush. Did he really?

Wonpil looked concerned at Jae’s reaction, of all people, but he hadn’t said anything. Jae brushed it off. He didn’t like Brian anymore. Brian was straight. He had a crush on a girl. Hell, he could be _dating_ a girl already. 

“Oh really?” Jae said, busying himself on his phone. “You guys really shouldn’t invade his privacy like that. If he wants to tell us, let him tell us.”

”Hasn’t he been acting weird lately, though?” Dowoon pressed on, taking the journal back to read over again. “Hey, there’s English songs too! Can you translate, hyung?”

”Busy.” Jae stood up, blatantly avoiding the question by standing up and going back to his bed instead of the couch.

 

 

**ONE WEEK AGO, BRIAN**

 

Brian never thought about how much he and Jae were around each other until he couldn't stand being in the room with him, unless he wanted his heart to burst from his chest and fall to the cold, hard floor. 

When he'd almost dropped his bass, he was looking over at Jae, who'd been all sweaty and his hair was sticking to his forehead and  _god_ he was gorgeous. 

When Jae brushed him and he almost fell, he'd felt something like ten volts of electricity shoot up his arms when Jae grabbed him. 

Every second of every day, Brian had his journal on him. Whether in his bag (hidden, of course) or under his mattress when he slept, he constantly went over in his head where he had last left it, and what the fastest route to get to it was. The one time he forgot it was when he was too busy to remember, having to go meet a friend about some alleged crisis. Of course, that's when the members looked through it. 

 

 

**ONE DAY AGO, JAE**

 

”The plan is as follows,” Sungjin said, briefing the members quietly, so Brian wouldn’t hear from the other room. “We'll do it tomorrow. Jae, Wonpil, go to town to get groceries because we’re almost out of food. Manager-sunbae is out for the day. Dowoonie and I will talk to Brian.”

”Nice plan, hyung.” Dowoon gave Sungjin a high-five, then gave one to Wonpil, then held his hand out for Jae, but Jae ignored it. 

It felt wrong. It was a total invasion of Brian’s privacy. And they were dragging Jae into it. 

Wonpil, being his ex-wingman, was okay with it. Sure, he might’ve looked to Jae for silent approval, but Jae didn’t even bother to look back. It would’ve gone on without his approval, anyway. 

 

 

**ONE DAY AGO, BRIAN**

 

Brian didn't hear anything. 

 

 

**FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO, JAE**

 

“Why—the hell—are there—so many—stairs,” Jae panted quietly, Wonpil having already gotten up them with the groceries. 

When he got to the door, he waited. The others were talking. Sure, it was broken and muffled through the wood, and they were talking so fast Jae could barely understand, but he got the gist of it. Brian had a crush. He heard his own name mentioned. He heard Brian. But he didn’t put it together. Wonpil mentioned him again, and he took it as his cue to go in. 

“Why would he be glad?” Dowoon asked as he shut the door behind himself.

”Why’s what?” Jae asked.

When he spoke up, the room was silent.

“What are you guys talking about? Does it have to do with me? Did Bri ever tell you about what he was writing about so you’ll leave me alone about asking him?” Jae never wanted to confront Brian about _anything_ in the first place. He wasn't going to ask about a dumb crush on someone else. Especially now. 

No one said anything for a while, but Sungjin finally spoke after what felt like eternity. 

“Talk it out. If he wants to tell you, he can tell you. _No_ , Dowoon.”

 

 

 

**EIGHT MINUTES AGO, JAE**

 

Brian had a crush. He had a crush. He wasn’t dating anyone. He had a  _crush_. 

As Wonpil and Dowoon argued with Sungjin on the couch, Jae opened his door.

“What do you want?”  _Ouch_. 

“It’s my room too.” And Jae apologized. He could pretend not to hurt. For Brian.

 

 

**FOUR MINUTES AGO, BRIAN**

Jae liked his lyrics. Jae always liked his lyrics.

But why didn't he now?

 

 

**FOUR MINUTES AGO, JAE**

 

Jae always liked his lyrics. But they were about someone else. Always. 

Like Brian could sing it to someone else and they'd know he meant it. 

Jae wanted to sing to him. But he couldn't.

And it was a guy. Brian liked a guy. And Jae couldn't think. 

 

 

**THREE MINUTES AGO, BRIAN**

 

"Liar." Liar liar liar liar liar liar. 

Brian lied so much nowadays. He couldn't tell where they ended. 

They ended with Jae.

Always.

He never wanted to lie to Jae. Never again. Never ever again. 

Douche. 

 

 

**TWO MINUTES AGO, JAE**

 

"Fine! So fucking what I like someone. They don’t know I do." 

It was true and Jae could barely pretend not to hurt because it was Brian. It was always Brian. It would forever be Brian. For him. 

He couldn't pretend. Jae loved him. Brian wasn't his to love. Never would be. 

So he turned to his coping mechanism, sarcasm. For Brian. For himself. 

For Brian, that fuck. 

 

 

**ONE MINUTE AGO, BRIAN**

 

There it was. It was out. _He_ was out. No more closets for Brian. 

Well, one more. One more closet called Brian's Fear Of Loving Jae Because Jae Didn't Love Brian And They Live In South Korea So There's No Chance Pretty Much. 

And he should know that. 

 

 

**ONE MINUTE AGO, JAE**

 

Of course Brian was gay. Jae was fucked, ultimately. Metaphorically.

Bi-bi to his own closets called Jae Is Afraid To Come Out To People He Thinks Are Straight. 

 

 

**TWENTY SECONDS AGO, BRIAN**

 

Brian shouldn't have said that. 

Fuck, Jae had said. And he was quiet. 

 

 

**TWENTY SECONDS AGO, JAE**

 

Why'd it have to hurt? It hurt.

But this was what he wanted. He wanted _Brian_. 

Crashing. Fuck. 

 

 

**PRESENT, JAE**

 

Jae and Brian sat in silence before Jae mustered the courage to talk again. And all that came out when he opened his mouth was another quiet 'fuck.'

Because. Because because because that's all he could _think_ about.

And he hurt. It hurt him so much but he wanted to feel it. Jae wanted to feel that hurt because he knew that it was okay now. He knew why Brian almost dropped his bass. He knew why Brian had looked so shaken up after Jae caught him. He knew why Brian looked so disappointed at the café. 

He knew he himself was in love.

Jae knew he was in love with a guy.

He knew that he couldn't help but be in love with Brian Kang, and that it was okay. 

He never really did forget what it felt like to be in love with Brian Kang.

And he was okay. 

"I know," Jae said. He didn't know. He couldn't have know. He'd blocked it out. Blocked _Brian_ out. Maybe that's what made him hurt. And letting him back in hurt even worse. And then he was crying. 

 

 

**PRESENT, BRIAN**

 

Jae didn't know. He couldn't have known. 

When Jae's tears fell, Brian didn't think he could touch him. But he did.

Brian's hand fell on Jae's hand, and he lifted it, and laced their fingers together. 

They were holding hands. Jae didn't pull away, nor did he move to wipe his face. Instead, he looked up at Brian and took his glasses off. 

"I love you," Jae said, and kissed him. 

 

 

**PRESENT, JAE**

 

Jae didn't mean to.

Yes he did. He meant to. 

He wanted that. So, so bad. So, so, _so_ much. 

He got it. He'd had it. Brian. For him. Brian was his. His. Jae's. 

And he was Brian's. 

He loved Brian Kang, and Brian Kang loved him back. 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. i didn't expect this fic to get the response it did, but wow. wowowowow thanks to all of you who commented and left kudos and wow. 
> 
> aah! it's over! aaaaaah!
> 
> so this fic is my baby. my first child. i started it, like i mentioned in a reply to a comment, about four months ago. i never ever expected this kind of response.
> 
> not even i expected an ending like this. but i'm glad it came to this? i guess? i’m satisfied with it. hope you guys are too, lol
> 
> thanks <3


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